Mad Jax

Everything’s going to be fine.

August 4th, 2010

Sad news today; Than Durgin has passed away. Than was a friend, co-worker, employee, roommate, and one of the kindest people in the world – I will miss him dearly. I feel fortunate to have known him and worked with him. We were lucky enough to visit with him at the end of June. Than’s dear friend, Rabbi Uri, says it best:

A Smile for Shabbat
June 2, 2010 ~ 20 Tammuz 5770

Dear Friends,

This past week, I took a day trip to Danbury, CT to visit my old friend Than. His father picked me up at the airport and drove me to their lakefront home, nestled amongst beautiful forested hills. Than was sitting down at the sandy shore watching the boats and swimmers, and the children playing in the sand. When I came around his wheelchair, he looked up and spread out the widest smile across his face. It was one of the saddest, most beautiful smiles I have ever seen.

Than is succumbing to leukemia and brain tumors, after having been in and out of remission over the past 12 years. He can no longer speak much more than one word strained responses, and half his body is paralyzed by illness. But it seems that nothing can take away his smile.

Than’s family is with him at this time, just trying to fill his days with lakefront views, trips out on the boat, and a peaceful space that mirrors the incredible dignity that defines Than’s strength.

There is no response to “Why?”. There is no clarity of purpose. But in the absence of any spoken answers, there is a Than’s smile. He knows his body is failing him, but he also seems able to appreciate joy – the joy in the sunlight bouncing off the lake, the joy in the waves piling off the boats, the joy in the children digging a hole to China in the sand.

His smile is so sad to see, because it isn’t accompanied by the movements of my old firend Than. But it was also so beautiful, because it showed the deepest part of a man I, and so many others, love and care for so deeply.

May Than inspire us this Shabbat to strip away all the externalities and make sure we have a smile shining through it all – appreciating the loves and joys of our life.

I stumbled upon this great profile page from Castleton’s snowboarding club at the dawn of the internets. Than’s profile states:

Name: Than Durgin

AKA: -

Age: 22

Home: CT

Years Riding: 12

Riding On: Morrow Todd Richards

Comments: Everything’s going to be fine.

“Everything’s going to be fine” If I close my eyes I can just picture him saying – “Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine.” – whether it was a jammed copier, a tough deadline, or facing cancer, Than had this unsinkable positive attitude, that fueled his infectious smile. I think there’s a lot to learn from Than’s smile for all of us.

We’ll miss you Than. See you on the hill this winter, I know you’ll be there.